woRm can see clearly now.

On Wednesday April 7th, 2010 I had an eye exam. It was revealed that I have myopia. I can't see things that are far off. I find that interesting. I would say that is somewhat ironic. Why? I used to suffer from a "myopia" regarding my life. Not being able to see the end results of my actions in the present. Not being able to see why things didn't go my way. Not being able to see what is bad for me as well as the "who".

In my 22 years of life I have been known to worry about things. When I was about four years old I had a fear of walking in the dark. One time I had to go and get something for my mother and was quite afraid, she responded to this by arming me with a weapon. This weapon was well able to vanquish any "boogeymen" I would encounter as I walked down this dark hall. The weapon was a butter-knife. Aging a few years I developed a fear of the house burning down. I would often cry to myself (I was six or seven) about this fear. My mother responded by giving me a telephone. If any fire were to erupt in the middle of the night. I would save the family by calling the fire department. Aging a bit more, now nine years old I would often watch the news. During that time Saddam Hussein was on t.v speaking out against the U.S. I would be fearful that Iraq would attack America and blow it up. I wouldn't eat my food because I was so afraid. I believe this lasted for only a few days but I still remember it. I didn't reveal this fear to my mother. I told her something along the lines that her food made me cry. That was a lie. That lie didn't make much sense. Years later, I'm now 17. That April (2005) I learned I would be leaving Ohio and moving to North Carolina my senior year. There was fear-a whole lot of fear with that. I did not like that at all. It turned out to be just fine.

As far as not being able to see things far off. I was reminded of that character flaw by my father. I would say my father doesn't worry. (If he does I have not witnessed it.) When it came to things that upset me, my father was often calm and reserved. For instance at the end of summer 2009. I was driving, following my father to NC from TN, a car rear-ended me, and totaled my car. Looking at the damage, I had to find a way to be calm but my tone betrayed me. "How am I going to get back to school?!" "I don't have a car!" "What are yall going to do?!" Statements arising from me not being able to see ahead. Well really not being able to see that things can and will work out often for the better. I would say that "worrying" and "fears" held me captive for the first 21 years of my life. Liberation came at the beginning of this school year.

Looking back on where I was a year from today, and even last summer I would say there have been a lot of changes for the better. I don't have "myopia" affecting my life. I can see what I need to see. I can see who my friends are. I can see who my family is. I can see the man I want to be. I can see the career. I can see the future I want to have. Before I had contrived a life I thought I wanted. The track I was on, would not have made me happy. Unable to see I would of cosigned my life to misery, and then finally destruction.

"I can see clearly now that the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me down. It is going to be a bright bright sun shinning day"-Jimmy Cliff.

That song has a new meaning for me now. A worm will often come out on the sidewalks when it is raining so it will not drown. Life has taught me that some people in my life are not as good for me as I believed they were. These people were the "rain".Worms are blind-they have no vision. Suffering from my "myopia" I could not see the people who were selfish and keeping me down from rising to my potential. woRm was drowning in these type of people. The rain is gone. This realization came as my eyes were opened to a new look on life. My new glasses help my vision but to me they are symbolic to the transformation I have made. Symbolic to the new awareness I have.

With this new vision. I can even see my obstacles. I can see how dangerous "self-doubt", "laziness", "immaturity", and "dwelling on the past" can be. My friends' observations of me reveal that I am now a focused person and hard working. When I was trying to deal with "emotions" last summer. My father told me to focus on my goals and those"emotions" will be a thing of the past. Those "emotions" no longer enslave me. My father also told me that wanting to prove your worth to someone can also be bondage-an obvious obstacle. I made my goals and the "emotions" have long been vanquished from my life. Thank God.

The dark clouds are no more. When in high school I was often worried about what people thought of me. The older I got the more I realized how seldom people do think. The dark clouds in my life were again worries of my worth and want for acceptance by all people. That is no longer on my mind. Seeing things far off has shown me that I want to live my life how I want to. Not how the majority of my race, "followers of my faith", and America (the world) say how I should live my life. I know what I want to do. So be it the lord's will- I will be able to.

All in all I am grateful for my parents, family, friends at OC, and especially my friends that I work with at Barnes and Noble. This has been a great school year. I am ready for the summer. And lord's will my last year at OC.

Seeing clearly now,

woRm.